An attempt to fool them…

Eyes start to sting,

Chest slightly hurting,

A lump welling up,

A headache slowly forming.

 

Putting the coffee down,

Breathing in deeply,

And exhaling calmly,

You wipe away the stray tears,

Fake a smile,

And look up into those familiar pair of eyes…

 

However you fail the attempt at trying to fool them,

As a split second later,

You realise,

They were embedded with nothing but disappointment!

Have you heard?

Have you heard the rumours going around?

There are so many. Such detailed facts and stories that I don’t recall. It’s funny how much you can learn about yourself when you just stop and listen to what others are saying.

The scars remain reminding me of the emotions and pain. I cared for a while, actually a lot longer than a while, but there comes a point when you just don’t care anymore. It no longer has an effect on me. You can talk all you want, I can hear you but not a single word will stick around long enough to ruin me.

There came a point when I retaliated but that made me just as low as you. So you know what? Watch me stay silently smiling. It’s my way of showing you just how much I care.

Hate it?

Great.

Because from now on we got to kill them with kindness.

Starting over again…

Standing proud and tall,

Admiring the familiar stranger that I’ve got to know so well,

“You’ve come along way and it’ll only get better from here”

But so I believed,

In an instance the smile we shared was no longer there,

A sudden perplexed emotion quickly took its place,

A feeling from within that I haven’t felt in so long,

“Stay Strong, YOU’VE GOT TO KEEP HOLDING ON!”

The feeling got worse,

I was suffocating,

Slowly drowning

“NO! NO!”

The mirror shattered and I was left staring at the scattered fragments,

Unable to pick them up and place them back in place,

It stung and burnt, cutting deeper the more I tried,

“How could I let this happen?”

With tears staining my sheets, I promised …

“I’ll stay strong and just start over again.”

 

P.s. Never give up, even you fall and have to start again. Get up and get further than you were before, making adjustments to create a more perfected version of the previous attempt.

Weird almost quiet moments…

I smile,

I sing,

I dance,

I live,

I’m filled with happiness,

And empty of hate,

I have a clear mind,

And positivity that runs through my veins,

 

Ofcourse there are moments where the Melody I’m listening to quietens,

I’m left stuck in this weird emotion,

I don’t understand it,

I allow myself to experience it for a bit,

Then go back and turn the dial,

Putting the melody back in full blast.

 

No one will see me frown,

Not even the person looking back in the mirror.

I write because…

Why do I write?

I don’t think I have ever thought about this, although I know that I just find myself typing away.

I am a person that lives within my own head and basically keep everything to myself. To the point that my childhood friend the other day was telling me “you’re mysterious”. Claiming that it was a good quality but that she knew nothing about me and was so curious to what was going through my head and what my life consists of.

Hearing that made me realise that I indeed don’t speak my personal thoughts. I prefer to listen, rather than being the centre of attention while everyone stares at you, judging and having their own personal thoughts about your personal life. Yeah I know not everyone judges, but I prefer those around me not to know too much about me. I think it all comes back to trust. Something I lack with even those closest to me.

But at the end of the day it gets frustrating to keep everything to yourself. I used to always write but one day just decided to put it out there, so it seems like someone’s listening. I think that’s when I started this blog.

So why do I write?

I write because it’s my chance to empty a little bit of the cramped up thoughts within my head. It’s a way to come to sense with everything that has happened and for me to realise what things are really on my mind at that particular moment. It puts the pieces together allowing me to join the thoughts to the emotions present at that very moment, revealing the full picture so that I can better understand myself and make decisions accordingly without getting lost in the maze within my head.