I only know your name…

A numbness,
A sense of emptiness,
What is happening?
Why am I struggling?

It shouldn’t be this hard,
It should just come naturally.

Yet here I am,
Once again surpressing an emotion,
An emotion that I can’t open up my heart to.

No matter how hard I try,
The second I feel the lump and its momentary sting
Everything recoils and I’m back at zero.

Deep down I know,
I know what it is that I’m feeling.

However it doesn’t really matter,
Since I only know you’re name,
And have no idea why you’re here.

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Struggling because of fear…

Struggling,

Struggling to write,

Struggling to be creative,

Struggling to gain some inspiration,

Very little motivation,

Not a single topic,

Not a single thought,

All because I’ve locked myself out,

Giving myself a symptom of fear,

Fear of entering my maze of thoughts again.

What if…

Hello there, how have you been? I’m really glad you managed to dropped by, even for just a bit.

You see you learn a lot about yourself and others by just observing and listening, so while you’re sitting there enjoying your coffee I’d like to share something nice and quick. It might or might not relate to you, I’m not quite sure. So please feel free to share your thoughts, I’d love to hear what you think.


 

Sometimes you get caught up in this feeling of uncertainty,

Every attempt to make it subside is failed,

No matter the strength,

No matter the determination,

It always lurks in the shadows,

Appearing when things are running smoothly,

You see we all have struggles,

We all have fears,

But to succeed we need to face up to them,

Give it our all and push on till the very end,

If we fail, it’s okay we’ll start again and at least then we’ll be able to say

“I tried my very best.”

 

Whenever possible push those uncertainties aside and

Make sure you don’t live an arid life filled with what ifs.

Jump The Fence

Once again I’m sitting here at night within the warm enclosure of my bedroom. The soft illumination from the small bedside lamp creating a relaxed and sincere mood in which I can think and write down my thoughts.

Tonight I feel great, calmer in a way. I definitely feel like I’m moving in the right direction. Just the state of mind I’m in and my inner calmness proves that to me in so many ways.

Ofcourse there is still a long way to go but at least I feel a change happening. Very slight and minor but I know it’ll turn into something major. Don’t get me wrong I’m not going to change who I am, just wanting to evolve into the best version of me.

I’m no longer going to play it safe and stay in my cushioned zone. I’m going to be brave and jump the Fence in order to do great things. I have my mind set and hopefully things work out.

To anyone who is like me and fears leaving their comfort zone…

Think of everything you ever wanted to achieve and then reflect…

Can you achieve all those things when you are too afraid to try something a little different, or a little harder or maybe even something completely new? Why not give it a go? At least then we  won’t be stuck in the what ifs and know for sure what works and doesn’t, what’s right and what’s wrong, and, we can have a definite answer rather than an “I think”.

Don’t restrict yourself from doing all the amazing things you want and are capable of achieving. I know I’m not going to. Ofcourse like any process it’s not going to be a smooth ride, they’ll be ups and downs but we just got to take it one step at a time.

If I can leave you and myself with one thing it’s… Don’t be afraid to show the greatness you’re hiding.

Darkness…

Darkness.

Silence.

I can’t stand it. I’m surrounded by nothingness. It’s like the world has lost all its colour and all that remains is pure darkness. Not a single sound, except the silent ringing in my ears that’s deafening me.

I want to scream, but whenever I try, again there’s nothing. I’ve always been scared of the dark and now I can’t find any escape from it. I’m stuck and afraid, fearing and anticipating the uncertainty that lurkes somewhere within my dark surroundings. I outstretch my hands and pray for a switch, a light, but all I get is emptiness.

There’s  supposed to be a full moon tonight, but even that has somehow disappeared in the midst of all this blackness. I can’t take this any longer, it feels like the darkness is creeping in closer, slowly engulfing and taking over.

“Please make this stop!!” Even though there was no physical sounds to be heared, the silent echo chorused throughout my body, awakening parts of me I forgot existed. “I don’t have to be afraid…” eyes squeezed shut, slowly relaxing, it no longer felt like these were my own thoughts. Rather it felt like someone was talking and guiding me.. “You can find your way through the darkness, the light is right in front of your eyes, you just have to be willing to let yourself see it.”

Silence.

“Open your eyes and look at what surrounds you, look at what you’ve let yourself miss out on.”

Again another silence.

“Don’t be afraid, just believe that there is light, imagine what you want your life to look like.”

Eyes shut I started to imagine lights, the full moon, the world like I had once saw it. “Open your eyes and maybe your thoughts may just become a reality.”

Reluctantly but slowly I opened my eyes there was darkness yet again, but this time accompanied with a faint blur of colour. I rub my eyes and try to mentally remove the darkness. I take another peak and there it was again.

The darkness of the night … Except it was being overpowered by the slight flashing brightness of lights and life. There from my bedroom window I finally saw a city, MY brightly lit city.

Looking up at the gleamingly beautiful full moon, I wondered how I ever let myself lose touch with all of this. I whispered to “Never let darkness blind me from my surrounding beauty or let it silently take control of my life. Darkness is no longer my fear but a strong indication for something breath-takingly beautiful to come.”

City